15-Day UX Writing Challenge — Day 9
Today, let’s talk about cars and credit card payments. Shall we?
Challenge
Scenario: The user is trying to rent a car using an application but the credit card on file has expired.
Challenge: Write them an error message so that they can correct the problem.
Headline: 30 characters
Body: 45 characters
Ideation process
As stated in my day 5 challenge, error messages can be very troubling for users. Therefore, my goal for this challenge is to be a solution provider to my user. To help them quickly solve a problem in the clearest and most concise manner to enable them to get on with their activity.
Voice and tone
- Understanding
- Non-judgmental
- Helpful
Copy considerations
Copy 1
This was my first copy consideration and I wanted to end it here. But, I chose to try other copies and test them before reaching a final decision.
The “sorry” in the headline will calm the audience and empathize with them. The body also provided the necessary resources on how to maneuver the situation. The copies for the buttons were also clear enough for any user.
Copy 2
While the headline seem ok, the body and buttons aren’t. Here is why: as a user who is in the process of renting a card, there’s a level of urgency to it. So, why direct such a user to a customer care team when you can as well just give them a guidance on what to do next and how.
Many users believe that support team take long hours in responding to messages. Therefore, giving ‘support team’ as a help option would further agitate the user and we don’t want that.
Copy 3
The heading is quite direct and it screams at the audience with no empathy or an attempt to calm the user. Also, it didn’t explain to the user why the credit card was declined. As a UX writer, I should give full information to my audience. Take them on the journey with me with detailed information. As humans, we are inquisitive. So why did the credit card get declined?
Additionally, while this challenge didn’t require me to write a button copy, I went ahead regardless in order to have a proper flow. The copies of the buttons are not suitable for us because it offers no value to the user, especially those who are visually impaired and use screen readers. ‘Update’ and ‘add’ isn’t useful information. Read on to see a better option in the final copy of this challenge.
Copy 4
While I tried to use the term “to hit the road” to give the copy a funky feel, it may be confusing to some users. Therefore, this body isn’t suitable for us. The goal of my copy is to hold the hand of my user and guide them on their journey with my clear copy.
Final copy
The headline empathized with the user and revealed the reason for the error message. The body was courteous in approach and helpful as well.
Which of the copies resonates with you? What are your thoughts about my final copy? Let me know in the comment section below.
While you are here, you can view my previous entries.
Bye for now! 👋🏼
