CV & portfolio’s effect on mental health and creative confidence
This is an edited transcript of Episode 004 of Design, In Confidence, mindfulness & design podcast with Stefano Bellucci Sessa’s learnings on creative confidence, emotional intelligence, and mental health.
Portfolio, Portfolio on the wall
In confidence, I had moments when my portfolio made me feel lost and stuck. And still now, every time I looked it, I feel like Snowwhite’s Queen:
“Portfolio, portfolio on the wall, am I a good designer?”
“Many bad projects I see… You will never get the role you want to be…
This makes me feel insecure about my past projects and insecure about my future career steps.
If this ever happened to you, keep reading to find how I’ve learnt to mindfully use portfolio and CV to build my creative confidence, while managing my mental health.
1-oh-1 of “A 1-on-1 with your Portfolio”
As designers, we are really lucky because our industry requires portfolios to showcase and collect our projects.
A few other careers have something similar — most have CVs and resume.
We tend to use them when applying for jobs.
But I’ve learnt they are much more than that.
Portfolios and CVs are a way to be grateful for what we have done, be mindful of who we are, and be mindful of who we want to become.
I learnt this after not updating my portfolio and CV for 4 years, because I was in a job where:
- most of the clients and the projects were under confidentiality
- I was happy and didn’t want to leave
- I didn’t want my employer to think I wanted to leave.
This was probably one of the biggest regrets of my career.
I made my portfolio when I decided to leave, become a freelancer and move from visual design to UX design. I looked back at all the projects done in those 4 years.
Most projects were really, really bad.
Most projects didn’t show me as UX but as a visual designer.
I felt scared, insecure, and anxious.
I’ve just resigned for the first time in my life, to change career, and without a client pipeline.
I felt as if I’ve just jumped from a high diving board, realizing that I wasn’t able to swim, and without knowing how deep the water was.
From past project to future potential
Then something (I can’t recall what) changed my mindset.
I realised that
the portfolio isn’t a collection of what we have done, but an expression of who we have become.
I accepted that most of my past projects were bad.
This made me realised that the latests were the best ones.
The projects were showing me how much I improved in 4 years.
I accepted that most of my projects didn’t show me as a UX designer.
This made me focus on how many showed how I tested my new UX skills while playing a visual designer role.
And this realisation, confirmed that leaving was the right thing to do — to find new, more and better opportunities to practice UX design skills.
This mindset got me to my first UX role in a startup.
I didn’t hide or made up things in my portfolio. I showed the interviewers my UX skills as a visual designer. During the interview, they questioned my ability since the lack of UX roles. I could confidently and honestly answer:
“Yes, on these projects I wasn’t a UX designer and took the project end-to-end.
But during these project I’ve tested my UX abilities on a different phase of the process. This makes me confident I can handle the whole process end to end.
If you give me this job.”
And they* gave me the job.
(*Thank you, EasyPeasy for your trust)
Types of portfolios
Since then, I’ve never stopped updating my portfolio.
Even when I didn’t want to leave a job.
It might look like I want to leave, but (to be straightforward) if my employee:
- doesn’t trust me, when I say that I don’t want to leave,
- is not happy, when I celebrate how working for them is good for me,
- can only keep me by forcing me to hide my value to others…
…it means that our relationship has a bigger problem–no matter whatever I do with my portfolio.
What about confidentiality and intellectual property?
As said, this mindset also brought me to use my portfolio to show what I can do in the future, not what I’ve done in the past. Many times vaguely mentioning a project is enough to communicate what I need to communicate.
Updating your portfolio
Also, not all the stories need to be ready to be read.
I don’t update my public portfolio all the time. I also have a private portfolio.
There, I collect stories to be told in a confidential environment or to have ready for whenever possible to share them.
But most of all, the private portfolio helps mindful pay attention to projects without worrying about an audience.
Updating our portfolio is not only about applying for a job.
It’s about being mindfully aware and in control of how past projects are affecting our career path and personal growth.
Just like a gratitude journal.
Taking the time to update my portfolio means:
- taking the time to reflect on what I learned
- being grateful for that opportunity,
- celebrate learnings, successes and impact.
For example, a reason for celebration is removing or deprioritising an old project, because not good enough anymore to show our future potential.
Not updating your (main) portfolio (yet)
It’s ok, not adding new things to your portfolio. For 3 reasons.
First reason: some projects aren’t done for the portfolio’s sake (yet).
Maybe in the future, you will understand why they fit into whoever you are, whatever you have become. Or maybe not, and that’s okay.
For example, I understood if and how to add my improvised theatre and Creative Mornings experience only after years. But many of my experiences never ended up there.
Second reason: you can have multiple portfolios.
Not, everything ends up on your public website showcasing your professional career. I have different portfolios:
- a public website
- public/private PDFs
- An Instagram account
- (this) medium blog
- a note pad
Use whatever suits you, like a Word document, or a collage on the wall.
Our “portfolio” is a spectrum of portfolios.
At one end of the spectrum, there is something public and formal — at the other end, something private and informal.
And at the middle of the spectrum, you can explore many options where to add some of your work.
For example:
- Something public but less formal
e.g. Instagram account - Something formal-ish for small-private audiences
e.g. your mentor or your teammates, your company - Something public but anonymous
e.g. another Instagram account
Third reason: the goal is to reflect on your personal development.
The goal is not updating your portfolio, but the act of questioning whether to update it — it’s an opportunity to be mindfully aware and in control of whether you are building the story that you will tell in the future.
For example, I always wanted to help other designers grow and impact.
Many times by imagining my future portfolio, I couldn’t see any learning opportunities ahead. So I designed what to do.
As a freelancer, I become a design teacher.
As employed, I asked to become a mentor coach and manage others*.
When that wasn’t enough, I started mentoring online**.
(Thanks *FutureGov and **ADPList)
Thanks to this mindful approach to my portfolio, I designed how to move from being able to do, to being able to enable others.
Maybe if I had just focused on doing my job well, soon or later I’d have been promoted to a manager. But I’m sure I would have felt far less confident.
Many times promotions happen assuming that being good at something means being good at mentoring and inspiring others. Simon Sinek wonderfully explains how that makes managers that feel in charge of the work, instead of in charge of the people in charge of the work.
Bonus reason: don’t (always) follow my example
There is another reason why it’s okay to not update your portfolio.
Like everything else, too much of something hurts. And also, this is my story — because I became aware of how it was influencing my mental health.
Your case might be different.
Make sure that updating doesn’t become an obsession.
Something you’re dependent on and get angry about.
Limit the purpose to being an opportunity to mindfully be aware and in control of who you are.
Like when Simba from The Lion King looks into his image inside the pond. And he could hear my father saying:
Reeeemebeeeer
Design, whoooo you are.
Look at your portfolio, Simba.
You are more that what you have become.
(I’m pretty sure, Mufasa said something like that.)
Start to mindfully design your portfolio.
Or whatever you will use, in a public or private way, to be mindfully aware and in control of what you do, become, and will be.
I will talk more about portfolio feature episodes, so subscribe/follow me.
Meanwhile, you can reach out if you need any support with yours.
Or if you have any questions or thoughts.
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Tell people why you found this valuable, and that you are a safe space to find support in building their creative confidence.
If you got this far, I’m sure you’re a great listener — which I thank you for.
And now, it’s time to listen to your thoughts.
And remember to thank yourself, for the time you spent to learn, and grow
